~~~~
First of all, Tennisu no Ojisama? Pah! Old Comp laughs at that and changes it to: “Tennis, no Jacamar”. That’s right OC like’s its tennis without any African birds thank you very much. Now, what about those teams?
Well, OC seems to think that Seigaku is just a bit too sensible. Those kids are a bit wobbly on their legs; falling all over the courts and what-not. I know, let’s call them ‘Sea-gait’.
Let’s see the team list for ‘Sea-gait’ shall we?
First up, Tezuka Kunimitsu swiftly becomes: Tesuque (some city somewhere) Kunzites (a kind of lilac coloured gemstone.) Ah, yes, OC knows Tezuka likes his pretty lilac bling.
Star of the show, Echizen Ryoma is and has always been Tezuka’s Chosen Myoma (a tumor made of muscular tissue). Although I don’t think “Become Seigaku’s cancer” is a very good line…
Meanwhile, Sea-gait’s Tensai Fuji Syuusuke has apparently changed both nationality and gender; behold! Fiji Susie!
Now, I’ve never been a big fan of Inui Sadaharu, but OC disagrees, and thus Inui becomes INRI (that would be Jesus, king of the Jews) Sidearm.
In contrast, I quite like Kaidoh Kaoru, but true to form, OC doesn’t. And he proves it by forcing him to change his name to Keith Kazoo *sobs*
OC comes up with an amusingly fitting name for Momoshiro Takeshi, Say hello to Moocher Takes hi but mind; apparently he’s a word thief.
Kawamura Takashi gets off lightly with: Camara (a house) Akashi (a city).
And then OC comes up with a real doozy of a name- people, take note, and bear this in mind when naming your own kids, for Oishi Syuichiroh becomes, thanks to OC, Fishy Switcheroo. *weeps and laughs simultaneously*
Meanwhile, OC decides that with all those siblings, Kikumaru Eiji must be kind of poor, and turns him into Kumayri’s (some place in Armenia) Elijah, a refugee.
~~~
Well, that’s enough of Sea-gait; let’s go see some of their opponents. First up, good old Fudomine, who apparently is respected greatly by OC for the way they’ve built themselves up from nothing. In fact, if OC had his way, he’d make them mayor or something. Or at least Fu (a part of a Chinese city) Domine (master/clergyman).
Tachibana Kippei is actually wanted by the FBI it transpires, as he reveals his secret identity. All shall fear Taliban Kipper’s Tennis regime. I knew Fu Domine worked hard, but really!
Ibu Shinji is a bit mechanical as far as OC is concerned, and so becomes Ibo Shiny. J He comes with a remote control, every fangirl’s dream.
But before you feel sorry for him, take a look at poor Kamio Akira who has been degenerated to Cameo Akita (kind of dog). At least Ibo gets screen-time! On the other hand, Moocher might come along and rescue him dramatically from a river, with help from Keith (sobs), cumulating in damp cuddl… I’m going to stop there…
I am also sorry to say that OC is threatened by Ishida Tetsu’s manliness, and exacts revenge with the re-invention of Ishida as Ishtar (Babylonian fertility goddess) Tutus
That must have taken a lot out of OC’s imagination, because Sakurai Masaya escapes mostly unscathed, (Sakurai Malaya) as does, Mori Tatsunori (More Tautozonal (belonging to the same zones))
But fear not, OC isn’t quite finished yet, and he’ll prove it by turning Uchimura Kyosuke into a Chimera Kiosk.
SHAZAM!
~~~
The next team to get the OC treatment is Yamabuki who become Sambuke (some kind of ancient Greek stringed instrument). It’s an absolute classic, I’m telling you.
OC admires Kiyosumi Sengoku even more than he loves Inui it seems, as Sengoku gets the proud title of Gaysome Sun God.
Akutsu Jin has a little drinking habit off camera: Abuses Gin
Although I’m starting to think OC might have been a bit tipsy when he came up with Minami Kentaroh’s alias:Minimi (little finger) Kangaroo. Ahhh, Ethnic.
OC is tired of all these characters he can’t even remember from the series. Time they got some payback, and lo- Higashikata Masami gets the full force of OC’s wrath. Poor Hogshead Miasma (noxious exhalants from rotten flesh), I do feel sorry for him.
I don’t remember Nitobe Inakichi either, so maybe he really does Intone Inanity.
As for the rest, well they’re kind cool. Hey, they’ve got hobbies. Muromachi Tohji goes to join a samba band as Mr. Mariachi Thin, for example.
Kita Ichiuma enjoys a touch of extreme kiting as the Kite Inhuman.
But I don’t think we’ll go over what Dan Taichi gets up to on the weekends as Dan Touchy ( although if Gaysome Sun God is the captain….)
~~~~
*Ahem* moving our minds hurriedly from the gutter, let’s take a little trip to St Rudolph, who are super special and get to keep their name.
And here’s the team, right on cue.
OC swiftly reveals how Kisarazu Atsushi keeps his place on the team. (Regular performance of Kiss-ass at Sushi bars)
Ack no! Another character no-one remembers; Nomura Takuya, Nomura Tacky says the OC.
Mizuki Hajime and Fuji Yuuta bring a bit of tropical flavor to the team as Maui Heaume (kind of archaic helmet) and Fiji Youth respectively.
Yoshiroh Akazawa isn’t wowed by this, oh no. He’s the self proclaimed Anglophile, Yorkshire Amazed.
Yanagisawa Shinya, on the other hand, thinks America is better. OC named him after the dance he invented in awe of America, the Yankeeism Shinny.
Kaneda Ichiroh creates even more internationalism with Canada Chiron, and also a bit of interspecies-ism, considering that Chiron was a centaur. Ahhh, make love, not war. Peace out.
~~~
Next up on our tour of madness; Hyoutei AKA Housie
(weirdly I can just see them all sat about playing ‘house’ with tea sets and what not. *laughs*
Atobe: *wearing one of Sakaki’s jackets, which is too big for him, talking to the team* I am your father! *hoo hah* oh and Kabaji is your mum.)
Atobe Keigo, captain of Housie has launched a new career in software for brewers: Adobe Keg, buy yours today!
Kabaji Munehiro has been overlooked greatly in the world of arts. OC thinks he’d do awfully well, if only he learnt a few words other than ‘Usu’. Until then, he’s Kabuki Unheard.
Shishido Ryou, Swished You when you weren’t looking. Ooh, the little perve.
Thank god for Ohtori Choutarou in that case, who is so nice and polite. And so darn fashionable he’s really the Other Couture.
Oshitari Yuushi: Solitary Sushi. I do hear that bitter tears make the best garnish.
But if some emo sushi doesn’t get your taste buds going, talk to Mukahi Gakuto, he’s a whole Mocha Gamut all by himself (now why doesn’t my coffee shop sell that?)
OC meanwhile comes up with the best description of Akutagawa Jiroh I’ve read in a long time- Acute Gaga Jerboa.
Hiyoshi Wakashi: Hayshed Awash, with what, I dare not ask.
And lastly Taki Haginosuke has aspirations for a career in the transportation industry: Taxi Hygienist
~~~~
Rokkaku, the creative lot who built their own tennis racquets, get accredited now as an art movement: Rococo.
First up is Aoi Kentarou their happy, bouncy tree-hugging captain, AKA Ahoy Kangaroo.
Saeki Kojirou joins Akutsu with a little drinking problem: Sake Cairo
OC thinks Kurobane Harukaze isn’t going to have much of a career outside of Urbane Haulage
Amane ‘Dabide’ Hikaru’s new name sounds like something from a cheap newspaper headline: Amine (something to do with ammonia) Abides Hiker
Like everyone else on the planet, OC can’t help but comment on Marehiko Itsuki’s nose: Mazelike Tusk
And if you thought Kiss-ass at Sushi was bad, say hi toKisarazu Ryou, Kiss-ass Roy
~~~~
Rikkai, penultimate school of the tour, gets taken down a peg to Rookie. Ehhh, says OC, these fancy schmancy private schools, who do they think they are? (Rikkai resents that)
Sanada Genichirou, first on the hit list, apparently has very specific tastes in foot ware: Sandal, Genus Homo. The gay men always have the best shoes…
Feeling hungry? Why not join Yukimura Seiichi, for a Yakitori (Japanese chicken kebab) Search
Yanagi Renji’s to-do list shows that he is above the limits of death, time and space. See item 12: Manage Renoir
Yagyuu Hiroshi, meanwhile, doesn’t have a clue that he’s on about: Vague Hero Ship
Niou Masaharu, expert Noun Masher. And you should see what he does to punctuation.
Marui Bunta guarantees a good conversation: Merry Banter
Kuwahara Jackal is not just any old Jackal, oh no, he’s a bona fide Kalahari Jackal
But he’ll have to fight Kirihara Akaya for road kill privileges: Caracara (kind of hawk)
Away
~~~
Last and probably least we have Jyosei Shonan AKA Joyous Showman. Who I’m not going to talk about much because no one cares.
Takahisa Kajimoto, giving comands to hunchbacks since 1993: Take a Whizz Quasimodo
Shinjou Reiji, overtly spiritual: Shinto Reiki
Hiroshi Wakato Special Delusions of Grandeur Change Over! Heroship Wacko
The twins Kouhei Tanaka and Youhei Tanaka are kind (Scot dialect) and bearish respectively: Couthie Tanaka and Yogi Tanaka
Daichi Kiriyama; big enough to be classed as a kingdom: Dutchy Koriyama (city)
Shoh Oota is on America’s most wanted for: Shot OOTA (One Of Those Afternoons).
And that rather concludes our tour. Ah, except for the miscellaneous characters
Introducing:
Sumire (who needs anger management classes): Sum Ire
Horio: Horrid (couldn’t agree more)
Tomo: Tom (yet another victim of OC’s random gender bending).
Sakuno: Skunk (oh come on, she’s not that bad)
Nanjirou (apparently strictly low maintenance) Non-iron
Karupin: (OC injects a touch of reality) Crapping (have fun with the kitty litter Myoma.)
Yamato Yuudai: Yamato Gouda
Sakaki: Salami (*giggling like a 15 year old*)
And my personal favorite:
Hanamura Aoi: Hammers Ahoy (*giggling like a 12 year old*)
BONUS CRACK!
Perfectassasin has tracked down two more schools for OC to mangle.
First up is Higa school, which OC swiftly affiliates with the World Wrestling Federation. Say hello to Hogan
Kite Eishirou should probably talk to the Kite Inhuman as he seems to be having a bit of a problem with marine life: Kite Fishery
Yuujirou Kai, according to OC, is some sort of unsavory robot: Yuckier A.I
Hiroshi Chinen has some appreciation for rugged landscape: Harsh Chine (ridge of land)
Tanishi Kei suffers a nationality identity crisis: Danish K.E.I (Korea Economic Institute)
Hirakoba Rin had so many amusing corrections I wasn’t sure which to pick. In the end OC demanded Hawk-boy R.I.N (Royal Indian Navy WW2). Clearly being half hawk extends your youth by about 80 years.
I wonder what Caracara Away would have to say about that.
Shiranui I assume is the brains of the bunch: Cranium
Aragaki, secretly married a guy named Henry and changed his name to Catherine: Aragon.
In his spare time Saotome Harumi (and I apologize for this one) runs a Sodomy Harem. Well, it wouldn’t be PoT without a bit of boy-boy love…XD
~~~~
The team from Shitenhouji meanwhile, is clearly up to something. Hyoutei better watch out for Smitten Housie.
Shiraishi Kuranosuke is actually the Big Bad chief of some barbarian horde, alias Skirmish Ransacked
Oshitari Kenya; aiding Africa’s smoking habit since 2003 : Ashtray Kenya
Kintarou Tooyama, is heavily involved with his Australian studies: Kangaroo Diorama
Chitose Senri in contrast, doesn’t have much to say for himself: Schistose (kind of rock, rock-like) Sentry
Hitouji Yuuji sadly doesn’t write the best of girl on girl action: Hideous Yuri
Konjiki Koharu went with the wind, and sued Bill to boot: Monica O’Hara
Zaizen Hikaru indulges in a little but of kidnapping. Seize Hikers
And finally, Ishida Gan laughs at Akutsu and his paltry drinking habits. Doesn’t he know that REAL men only drink Echidna Gin?
ALSO, from the 1st-24th of December, i will be posting up a Prince of Tennis Advent Calender. 1 drabble a day till xmas eve and maybe some pictures as well. ^__^ hope everyone enjoys it.
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